PSA: Please do not post hour-long videos to the web

Not that I am like Dr. Blog Von Bloggington over here but I can give out this one piece of advice with some certainty:

1. Do Not Post Hour-Long Videos To The Web.

OK, I’m ready for some questions now. You, sir?:

Q: Yes, I recently shot flipcam footage of a community council meeting I recently attended, and it’s an hour-and-a-half of unedited, shaky footage with unattractive people speaking off-camera in a nearly inaudible monotone. Should I post that to the web?

A: Great question. No. You should not. Because nobody cares and nobody will watch it. Next question!

Q: Hello, I have a two-hour long video of an acedemic talk I recently attended, should I post the entire unedited video to blip.tv, YouTube or Vimeo? So hard to choose!

A: Excellent question, I get that a lot. Actually you should not post it at all, because no one will ever watch it so you are really wasting your precious remaining time on Earth; time that could be better spent with loved ones, or even just staring into the middle distance. So, I think I have time for one last question.

Q: Can iMovie HD handle videos longer than three hours long? Or should I use Final Cut Pro? Because I have this recording of a marketing seminar we held last month that I really think people would enjoy big time.

A: It is doubtful that iMovie could handle that much footage without issue, but again, the problem there is not hard drive space or network bandwidth but instead the problem is that your video is longer than Francis Ford Coppola’s Godfather movies and infinitely less interesting. You do your viewer (completely hypothetical — I assure you, no one is watching) no service by dumping raw, unedited footage on them; ninety-nine times out of 100, aggressive editing is a kindness and demonstrates respect for your audience’s attention span and amount of free time.

I hope this helped some people out there today. If you have any questions about the advice above, please post it in the comments!

Google Money Master is a huge scam

I’ve been seeing a lot of ‘Google Money Master’ ads on various sites. You click through and you get a page explaining how you can ‘work at home’ (the American Dream, apparently) and a pitch:

Step 1: Get Google Money Master, only pay the $1.95 for shipping.

Step 2: Follow the directions on Google Money Master that basically shows you how to and set up a Google account. Then they will give you the website links to post. Start posting those links. Google tracks everything.

You heard right. It basically shows you how to and set up a Google account. There there are some fake comments at the bottom, which you can’t add to because of ‘problems with spam’ (kudos for that).

What you should do is check Google before attempting to become a Google Money Master:

  • complaintsboard.com says: “This is based out of Phillipines. It posts FAKE blogs on how people made money posting stuff on google. They initally took out $2.87 from my account and I just found out they will take out $70 something monthly. Oh and of course the 800 number stays busy so there is no way to contact them.” (and the comments agree)
  • ripoffreport.com says: “A couple of weeks later I received a phone call from a Fredricka Mills from the grant center telling me I would receive 7 free days of google money profit, and 7 free days of advance benefits plus 7/24 medical to try. In return I would receive a gas card and $1,000.00 in grocery vouchers. I told her no thank you I only wanted the grant cd and had not signed up for anything else. She then informed me that I would be charged $39.95 per month to be a member. Well it sure did not say anything about that either when I ordered the grant cd … I thought it was all over until I got this package of membership cards etc. for this advance benefits plus 7/24 medical emergency stuff. I called the grant place back and they told me they were a third party (which is bull) and gave me a phone number to call. In the meantime my credit card was charged $29.95 …”

Long story short, don’t fall for it.

Also of interest the same leaderboard ad shills for a fake Rachael Ray blog at rachelrayblogs.com:

We know we spelt her name wrong, but it’s too late! Did you know most people who search Google actually type the wrong spelling in?

…you don’t say.

NOTE: “Google Money Master” is now “Google Home Income” but it still continues to be a HUGE SCAM.

~Jeff

The most beautiful human moment of my life

What I love about this is how human it is. The tank commander doesn’t want to just run this guy over. Don’t think of it as a man facing down a machine. Think of it as a very brave, very scared man facing a very scared kid inside a machine. That kid is making a very hard moral choice and, at least for the moment, making the best human one.

We don’t know how many people died that summer, but this man, just coming home with his groceries, stopped it from being more.

Man, I Love the Internet (part series-that-contains-itself of a series)

Almost four years ago, I posted this Real, Actual Photo of Steve Perry. The real miracle that keeps on miracling is that people keep showing up to discover it for the first time, get in fights about what they think it is, and then lie low for another couple of months.

The picture was briefly on the front page for a Google search for “Steve Perry photo” but has since fallen deep into obscurity. Maybe you can help! Link to the article and picture in a blog post of your own. Write a whole post about it! Tell the world what you really think of the Real, Actual Photo of Steve Perry!

(Thanks to Misty for never stoppin’ believin’.)

Re: OMG MALTESE PUPPIES!!!1

I would love to adopt that TEACUP YORKIES MALTESE PUPPIES whatever for sell! How about it, what!?

Looking forward to hearing back from you in timely fashion ideally yes,

~Jeff

Hello ,
Thanks for your interest in my puppy.I just relocated From Massachusetts to fort wayne,indiana. Love has the cute little babydoll face, short legs, nice thick coat and super friendly personality. Love has dew claws and tail done, vet checked, shots and dewormed. Love is available with AKC limited reg.I am giving Love out due to some certain conditions
beyond my control and i am only willing to give this puppy to someone i will be very sure will take care of my puppy.Pls answer the following questions….
Do you have a dog presently or have you ever had one?
Do you live alone or you have kids?
Do you have a fenced in yard?
Have you ever had any experience handling Maltese?

Do get back to me as soon as you can,i’ll evaluate so we can take it from there
-Mike

Mike,

!) I have never had a dog. I have seen pictures of dogs and I looked
up “DOG” in the wikipedia and it say they are friendly and happy so
count me in!!!1 I need a friend

2) I am currently under house arrest pending trial in the state of
massachusets but I have been assured by my home supervisor that a
Maltese would be a great addition and we would take extra precautions
to make sure it did not get eaten

3) AS you can imagein not only is the yard fenced, but I have a
tracking bracelet that keeps me around the home all of teh tiem. IS
the Maltese a large enough dog to possibly chew through such a
bracelet? LOL j/k

4) I do not have any experience with Dogs per say but I am a quick
studie. My family never had pets whiel growing up but I did watch a
lot of cartoons and I understand that dogs are better than mice and
cats. True?

Do you have any more pictured of the puppy so I can shoe my home
supervisor? Who do I make out the check to? Do I need to send you my social security number? It is 040-03-7737

Thank you!

~Jeff

Hello Jeff,
This would be the best puppy for you I call her Love,the shipping and handling will cost just $350 for the pup.If everything is fine by you and you are set to adopt my pup please go ahead and provide the details listed below:
Name:
Address:
Tel#:
Nearest Airport to you:
As soon as I get the requested info,the pup will be documented and processed for shipment to you.
And I want you to promise me that you will take good care of the puppy and also, I will like to know if you could send me a picture of the puppy while with you.
I will be expecting your email with the requested details so that I can instruct you on how to make payment to the shipping agent here in indiana.

Thanks and God bless.
-Mike

Mike,

I am sorrie I have not been in contact. I would like to know if the dog we discussed is still available? I have been getting the money together and I finally have the required amount. My family and friends are very excited to know if the dog is still available for adoption; we are all members of a group here in our area called “Les gens qui aiment manger des chiens,” and as you can imagine we can’t wait to get our hands on that dog! What a sweet, succulent little darling that dog looks like. We can’t decide if we should keep her outside or if it would result in a more tender dog to keep her inside. Is it appropriate to accompany dog with a red wine or a white wine, do you know? Long story short, I can’t wait to eat that dog. LOL

Let me know as soon as you can, and I will send out the check!

~Jeff

Yes the baby is still available.provide me with your address and Nearest Airport .

-Mike

SEO joke, SEO, joke, search engine optimized joke, funny, funny joke


So a CEO, a web programmer and an SEO expert are on a desert island.

And the SEO expert says, “You guys, I’m so thirsty. Is there anything to drink?”

And the CEO says, “I just drank the last of my water 30 minutes ago.”

And the web programmer says, “I have plenty of water, a true abundance, but I won’t give any to you. Because, you are the worst. I hate you with every fiber of my being. Your very existence is an inherent refutation of the basic concept of quality workmanship and craft. Every additional second you remain on this planet is a deep, personal offense to me.”

Then the SEO expert died slowly and painfully of thirst, and over the next several days his body slumped, shriveled and shrank as his organs collapsed upon themselves with a hissing sound while the CEO and web programmer sat and stared. And the sun set, and rose, and set again.

THE END

How The Airport Express Works


So if I have this right, my Airport Express/iTunes combo:

  • Takes a compressed music file from iTunes and converts whatever music file format that is into Apple Lossless.
  • iTunes then discovers and connects via Bonjour mDNS autodiscovery to the IP address of the wireless router.
  • iTunes streams that Apple Lossless file from the client machine to the wireless router over 802.11n via some proprietary protocol (but presumably some form of UDP traffic).
  • The Airport Express takes those 1s and 0s and turns the Apple Lossless file back into music.
  • That music is sent as bursts of light via fiber optic cable to my stereo.
  • Those bursts of light are reassembled by the stereo and sent to the amplifier, which fluctuates between a positive charge and a negative charge on the red wire and vibrates the speaker cone.
  • The speaker cone vibrations move the air and those vibrations are recieved by the cochlea in my inner ear.
  • Those signals received by the cochlea then are translated into bio-electric signals which are transmitted to my brain and interpreted as music.

And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

~Jeff

Man, I Love the Internet (Part 3 in a series)

AIG dude

So, a dude at AIG refuses to give back is $700,000 bonus and says that he’s going to give it all to “charity” (read: Heritage Foundation, Project for a New American Century, and the Republican Party).

Please note these perfectly preserved leavings of a specimen of Homo Perapluo Internetica:

I wish that all you execuative haters would get what you want. Maybe it would be a real lesson if all the top execuatives quit. This country would stop cold and they could buy up all your assets for a loaf of bread because you couldn’e even feed yourself without these 1% or less running things the rest of the country would fail quickly. Stop the class warefare and go do someting to improve you lot in life. If you’r not happy keep it to yourself. Right now we don’t need negative small minded people wipped into a frenzy by crooked lazy politicians. We need real leaders of industry to solve our problems!!!!

Man, I Love the Internet (Part 2 in a series)

Creation Science

From the comments ona blog post about Creationists that don’t quite understand what science is but are claiming to use it comes this shining Internet gem:

BIG MACK Says:
May 2nd, 2007 at 9:14 am

THIS IS JUST ANOTHER EGOTISTICAL PERSON’S BLOG… HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT LIFE…………. BUT CONTENDS THAT HE KNOWS EVERYTHING. THEY ALL DO. SO YOUNG, SO FOOLISH. THE MOON EFFECTS / AFFECTS EVERYTHING.

Man, I love the Internet (part 1 in a series)

cowporn

I love the Internet. I really do. It’s full of creative things that people have made, it’s given me some really amazing real life relationships, and it’s changed the way we all think about information and knowledge.

But none of that is in evidence below. The following is a complete response to a post about Google Voice at Wired.com.

..Monument Of Religion And Party Council..And Center Of Business And Hobby Activities Environment..
..That remind me about the people making the promise and doing the remembrance places..And the lots of a lots of stuffs coming out of from their competitions innovations 2009,they will get the oscars prize if they in the movies business..Ha..Ha..Ha..I’m bad, I’m bad..Ha Ha..Ha..
..Let sing the goggle in the another place was party songs of famous guy..We all be working very careful with new launch and it can be in wrong direction if we not care..Mix-up will be bad..Ha..Ha..Ha..
Posted by: ..Monument Of Religion And Party Council..And Center Of Business And Hobby Activities Environment.. | Mar 12, 2009 5:48:14 PM

Is it not the very perfection of an Internet post?

Rush Limbaugh Balks When He Gets What He Wanted, and Finally Some Democrats Figure Out Media

My hope is that the Democratic Party will use its newfound media savvy for good and not for evil.

See, they know that Rush Limbaugh is a political clown. He throws dogshit from the peanut gallery where he knows he has no responsibility, where his hypocricy is irrelevant. The Republican party, having made him an honorary member of Congress, having invited him to the White House for dinner, sees him as a rabble rouser, part of their propaganda arm but not, of course, a real politician.

But now the Obama administration is saying that Rush represents the true Republican party. The drug abuser and accuser, the racist and callow slinger of words designed to foment division between Americans, the runner up to Ann Coulter, pay attention to him. Because if you don’t agree with Rush (and not many actually do), then you’re not a real Republican.

It would be a vicious tactic, a part of a larger divide-and-conquer strategy that is being enacted on the Republicans now that they’re down, but for the fact that it’s everything they’ve ever wanted. He wanted that position. They kept giving it to him. Now they look like assholes and are backpedaling furiously to distance themselves from him.

Conservatism has proven itself to be poison and he’s standing there, trying to look innocent while trying to hide his skull and crossbones label. All the Obama administration has done is point to the label.