five blades, bitches

suck it, schick

I enjoyed using the two-bladed Gillette Sensor.

So much so that I gladly made the jump to the triple-bladed Gillette Mach3, even though it cut so closely that it kind of carved up my face.

Then I even got one of those X-Box styled Mach3Power razors, with the slightly superfluous vibrator in the handle. People said it was suspicious that this battery-powered razor was introduced shortly after Gillette bought Duracell, but I remained devoted.

However, I don’t think I will be falling for* Gillette’s newest synergistic marketing endeavor: The Gillette Fusion. With five. fucking. blades. I guess the name “Fusion” tested better than “Suck It, Schick Quattro”; honestly, I think this is as far as we can go before we make the jump to 14 blades.

~jeff

* I totally will be falling for it

tubin’

Here’s a shameful fact: I’ve gone tubing *twice* in less than one week. It’s like I’m in training for one-third of the laziest triathlon in the world. But seriously, if you’ve never gone floating down the Farmington River on a hot summer day, you’re kinda missing out; it is incredibly gorgeous.

It takes about two hours, and all you’ll need is a bathing suit and about $20; just call me, we’ll go.

~jeff

sarah’s exercise advice

Long-time friend of ldopa and legally registered California hottie Sarah Bansak wrote me with her exercise/diet advice, and for anyone trying to get in shape this stuff is pure gold:

1.drink more water. really. drink 1 gallon per day. essentially, if
you get less than that, your liver ends up helping out your kidneys,
which is no good, cuz then it can’t do it’s job of processing your fat
into energy. so drink water all day long.

2. eat more often (if you’re not already). I eat 5 meals/day. 1
breakfast, 3 lunches, and 1 dinner. you can go for 6 or 7 if you want
as well. just don’t go more than 3 hours without a meal (except when
you’re sleeping of course). and ALWAYS eat breakfast. super super
important.

3. clean up your diet. in other words, don’t eat any processed food.
ie, white rice, bread, pasta, anything white, anything with sugars
(except fresh fruit). make your carb sources oatmeal (steel cut, not
instant), fruits, wild rice, brown rice, yams, sweet potatoes. make
sure you’re not eating any processed meats (ie lunch meats) or
sausages or hotdogs. stick to chicken fish and eggs, oh my. chicken,
fish, and eggs, oh my! hee hee

4. make sure you get enough protein. at least 1g/lb of bodyweight
a, you want protein to feed your muscles. b, protein is highly
thermogenic. more so than either fat or carbs, so eat more to burn
more.

5. if you’re doing cardio, only do it in the morning on an empty
stomach. this way you actually burn fat, and not the calories you’ve
eaten. also, make sure you always lift weights in the
afternoon/evening, after you’ve had some meals and are properly
hydrated.

6.HIIT (high intensity interval training) this shit kicks your ass,
burns waaaaay more calories than steady state cardio, actually BUILDS
muscle instead of eating away at it (like distance running) and it
only takes 20 minutes.. i recommend sprints, as they are simple and
rewarding. all you do is a little light 5 minute warmup, some light
stretches, and then you sprint with everything you’ve got for 30
seconds. then walk for 1 minute. sprint for 30 seconds. walk one
minute. repeat until you hit 15 or 20 minutes. then cool down and
stretch. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DO THIS FOR LONGER THAN 20 MINUTES. trust
me. less is more on this one. plus, if you do it right, after about
12 minutes, you’re doing everything you can just to keep from puking
your guts out.

7. and for when things really seem stuck and you just can’t push
forward, i highly recommend carb cycling. hell, i recommend this from
the get go, but it takes a bit more planning than most people want to
put into their daily meals. this is where you have low, medium and
high carb/cal days. for example, my week goes (from sun-sat) low,
low, high, med, high, med, low. yes, that’s all fine and good, but
what does that mean, you ask? well, it breaks down like this:

everyday i get 1.5 x my bodyweight in protein, so that’s about 157g
/day. then, on my med days, i go for about 125g of carbs, and the
rest of my cals (1500) from fat. low days, i get only 40g of carbs
(mostly from my morning oatmeal), and get the rest of my 1246 cals
from fats. on high days, i get to eat 1650 calories, with 200g of
carbs and only about 24 g of fat. as i said before, protein intake is
constant. to see this in action, check out
here, where
you can see everything i’ve eaten for like, a year.

if you add one of these items everytime you hit a plateau (starting
with 1 and working your way down) you should hit your goal no problem
with very little stalemating.

oh yeah, and if you’re not lifting weights yet, i suggest you get on that.

50 Glittering Gold Coins go to Sarah for this excellent and insightful advice.

~jeff