…and there is manga on it.
This message has been brought to you by the Womens Villanous Valentine Council, reminding you to buy your obligatory foodstuffs and plant offerings this February 14th.
Ahhhh, daybreak. Oh — wait,
no… that would be the first big,
fiery explosion of the apocolypse.
12/21/2012: Never before in history has one date, one moment in time, been so significant to so many cultures, so many religions, so many scientists, so many governments and to so many people all around the world.
Huh. Glad I finally heard about this.
There are entire websites dedicated to this moment in time. There are blogs, discussion boards, chat rooms and scientific studies. In the not so distant future and as the date gets closer, there will be books written on the subject, feature films will be produced, “end time” religions will be formed and end of time products will be developed.
Ohhhhhh. I get it now. This guy was daydreaming in front of his computer, having big destruction fantasies in his head, and didn’t realize that he was accidentally making an entire web site dedicated to this moment in time.
Firstly, when did scientific studies start slummin’ it down on the chat room end of the relevancy spectrum? Secondly, won’t THE END OF ALL TIME sort of make products unnecessary? Ahem, aftershave? Thirdly, why didn’t I come up with the idea of cashing in on The End of Times first? I mean, this is what the Internets was created for.
This is your construction technique.
This is your construction technique caffeinated.
I thought this was a pretty complete database until I needed to find out if Squirt was caffeinated or decaf. According to the information posted on free public message boards — which are always dependable and accurate — the Ruby Red variety is charged-up, but the reg’lar kind is not.
I would have just checked the information on the side of the can, but it was in a recycling bin somewhere downtown.
And this just in: “In Canada, carbonated beverages other than cola are not caffeinated…. 7-up, Root Beer, Mountain Dew, etc. are caffeine-free.”
Finally, Carrie, please do not go and drink 68 shots of Sky Rocket Caffeinated Syrup.
Pandora’s pretty neat: you tell it some music you like and it finds not only that music, but music that’s “like” it… and plays it. Well. You mark things you like and dislike, á la Amazon, and it chooses based on those.
… OH, NO, PANDORA! THIS IS CRAP!
Whew.
That’s what I get for doing a review while listening. The next track is neat and I’ve never heard of it before! “Army of Me” by Atoi. A bit like Portisehead covering Bjørk. With deliberately amateur engineering.
I’m encouraged by their extensive Wire library, they got some Natacha Atlas… what else could you need?
What did I do before internet resources? Well, certainly not have a conversation with my wife over dinner like this:
ME: “[...small talk about the various parents-of-small-kids connections we're making in Portland, our soon to be home city...]”
SHE: “Oh! Have you seen Urban Mamas? It’s for parents in Portland, and it’s great. You have to check it out.”
ME: “Really? Okay. Well, can it compare to Berkeley Parents Network?”
SHE: “Maybe better. It’s more focused, the topics cover the spectrum of our needs. And it’s actually not-ugly.”
ME: “Ha! Say goodbye to that Craigs List, listserve-style interface, huh?”
SHE: “Right. It’s more like Dooce, but not that pretty. And with more contributors.”
I’m pretty sure we refrained from implying hypertextual markup in the rest of our meal talk.
As I later found out, Urban Mamas does make me tingle in that special way that means “I have found a resource that I will one day soon wonder how I led a complete life without.” Which set me to thinking, does every city have such a “guidebook” for young parents who are trying to forge that network so critical to emotional survival? Or, to put it another way — both more generally and specifically — the things that matter to you* in your city: is there an online resource that you can tap?
___
*…And I’m implying “things that make sense to publicly share.” MyBestFishingSpot.com, for instance, would be a sucky idea.
… I KNEW this woman looked familiar!
Had a long day at the office? Need to let off some steam? Hate pumpkins? Then pumpkin chukin might be the after work sport for you. Because potato guns are for wimps.
If you act in the next few days, internationally acclaimed author, Jonathan Land will create customized mom jokes for you… ABSOLUTELY FREE.
All I need is a brief description of your enemy’s mother, and I’m good to go.
This is a limited time offer! Whenever I decide to end it, the pricing structure is as follows:
Bad jokes utilizing puns and/or borrowing themes from other Public Domain mom jokes - $1
Moderately funny jokes which some will find brilliant and others stupid - $2
Hysterical jokes with devastating, laser-like accuracy which are based on some sort of truth and are possibly hurtful - $3
Any level joke about Joshua Newman’s mom - Free!
So welcome one and all, and make sure you take care of this limited time ldopa.net exclusive offer!
-Jon
Effective January 27, 2006, Western Union will discontinue all Telegram and Commercial Messaging services. We regret any inconvenience this may cause you, and we thank you for your loyal patronage. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact a customer service representative.
Only once did I ever send/get a telegram, but for some reason, this really bums me out. End of an era and all that. But for some people, this has much bigger ramifications. Low-wage immigrants often use Western Union to wire money back home to their families. It avoided the entanglements of banks and didn’t involve technological or financial hurdles.
Link via kottke.org
Update: Money transfers are still available. They are just stopping telegrams in the text sense.
Such a simple idea, such great execution.
In a development that internally we’re calling “Operation: Cousin Oliver”, ldopa.net is proud as a beard of bees to welcome our five(5!) new correspondents: Carrie, Jason, Jimmy, Ben and Jeremy. Welcome aboard! and I apologize in advance.
I feel like Professor X must have felt like when he rounded up all those cool minorities in X-Men #94. Who will be our “Wolverine”? Who will be our “Storm” — probably Carrie, because she’s a girl. And who will be, to a much lesser extent, our “Sunfire”, “Thunderbird”, and “Banshee”? Time will tell that story, my friends. Anyway, welcome aboard, and most importantly: thanks for not asking me for money.
~jeff
~jeff
C|Net is usually a font of turd burgulary and knob gobblery, but this article of their is really interesting, about photo (and thence opinion) manipulation. It also talks about software that is used to look more closely than humans do to find inconsistencies, and then says that the software is kept TOP SECRET WIHT TEH POLISE SO TEY CAN KEEP US SAEF, when as we all know, as soon as someone cares, they’ll just write the app. So, you know, they’ve met the minimum assclownery quota.
2005 warmest year on record? Just finished the warmest January on record? Lots of new snow, nicely interspersed with lovely forty degree sunshine? I’ll take it!
…minus the hurricanes, tsunamis, and eventual extinctions, of course.
Okay, okay. We should all be driving these. No, really. They’re now down to about $14K, come with A/C, go up to 70 mph, and they’re making a two seater.
Just to sully my spanking new record, I nicked this from Ripley’s Believe it or Not.
