I Ain’t Your B!$(#, M*)#%&! Buy Your Own Damn Fries.

barack-obama

OK. Here‘s for you. And you, and you. From April Winchell, bless her little heart.

Our President swearing a blue streak.

Technically, he’s reading someone else’s swearing from his autobiography, but don’t worry, we can decontexualize it in 4 seconds flat. Perhaps the most shocking is hearing him say “ain’t”– I’d say that’s the word he seems most uncomfortable with. I can’t wait to hear this remixed into 1/3 of all new YouTube videos for the next 7 months. IT WILL NOT GET OLD.

ruin yourself the blood glucose way

Ah. Twinkies.

OK, guys. So, don’t do this:

1. Go into work every day tired and rushed, having skipped breakfast and with some leftovers in a bag for an unappetizing (but nearly free!) lunch.

2. Make sure you don’t eat much, maybe a pile of crackers or something, until your blood sugar drops below your knees and you can no longer think. It will be about 2 by then.

3. Dawdle around the office unable to leave for lunch or do anything of use anymore.

4. Find something in your drawer or lunch bag that is totally inadequate and eat some of it. Feel sort of pointless and grossed out.

5. Drive home in a near stupor for one hour in your car that leaks gas. Use the last of your energy trying not to hit anyone, since you definitely couldn’t afford it.

6. Turn on the TV since you don’t have any oomph left. At like 11 muster the will to open a can of something and drink some juice.

7. Measure your waistline. Three more inches? Wow, how did that happen?

8. Notice you missed Aikido class, but be resigned since you were too tired anyway. Don’t forget to stay up late!

9. Blame the world!

This post made in celebration of my last day of work yesterday. Hooray! No more crappy diet for me! I’m going to be a student! Hey… wait.

this i believe

That is who you think it is

People who I’d like to hear on NPR’s “This I Believe” segment:

Amy Goodman
Paolo Freire
O Sensei Morihei Ueshiba (unlikely, since he’s dead)
Mumia Abu-Jamal
Walter Cronkite (due to his one line in this trailer)
Studs Terkel

a brief sampling of people who might make my ears bleed:
Bill O’Reilly
Cory Doctorow
Samuel P. Huntington
Tom Cruise
Ann Coulter

Seriously, anyone can write one. L-Dopa might should write a group manifesto and have a computer voice read it. When it inevitably gets on. Because we could ever agree on anything. And essays written by committees always go well. Especially when concerning core beliefs.

wii love it

ShallWiiPlay

Oh man, is it possible that I’m the first ldopan to play with the Wii?

(Ed. — it looks that way. Dammit! ~jeff)

Heh.

It is awesome.

It’s really easy to learn to play and fun right away. The Wiimotes (or Wiinises, as my host preferred to call them) are comfortable to use, and seems like they would be comfortable for most-sized hands to feverishly grip for 10+ hours. The speaker in each Wiinis is utilized well. Because the speaker is in each controller, you get individualized feedback for when it’s your turn and if you’ve achieved the proper motion for the game you’re playing. The sound from the Wiinis also integrates well with the more-backgroundy sound from the TV, making your sound experience subtle and useful at the same time.

To start, you create a Mii (I know, painfully cute) with enough control over the look and size of the cartoonish features that you can make a really specific and personal guy. Apparently these Miis can mingle over some kind of internets people keep telling me about.

It comes with Tennis, Baseball, Golf, Bowling, and Boxing, with three additional training supplements for each. I didn’t try any Boxing or the non-training Golf game since apparently they’re more complicated and difficult, but I was able to recreate my suckage in sports with incredible accuracy with the others. Yet it was still incredibly fun. It was so intuitive and came out with results that seemed pretty reasonably realistic (while remaining cute and cartoonish) to the point where I was actually wondering to myself if I could use it to train and avoid the embarrassing mistakes I make in baseball in private, enough to join a real team. Then I remembered being good at these sports entails actual muscles when you’re not playing on the Wii.

The action is smooth and the controller is responsive. The buttons are pretty simple, though a first-time user might not realize that while A is the big button on top, B is a trigger underneath. There are helpful (i.e., soon-to-become-annoying) diagrams it shows you on screen when you’ve mixed something up. The Wiinises have both infrared and internal proprioception, so it is generally faithful to your motion with few errors.

The paper lamp in my friend’s living room has sadly suffered some of the collateral damage we’ve all been hearing about, so enjoy the totally new gaming experience (TM) with care.

poor lamp

that guy in college

bret.gif

I’ve been beefing up my playlist at work, but I keep turning back to the Bret Turner songs I ganked more than anything else. Who is Bret Turner? Just some guy my friend went to school with… and his music is actually pretty good. And damn funny. “Juan Santos” and “The Perfect Time to Take a Crap in the Sink” pale only in comparison with “The Stupid Song” (this excerpt under the photo fails to capture its comedic brilliance). I thought at first his music was one of those ‘guy in college’ effects where, since you know the guy, you give it half a listen and think since it’s better than you expected it’s OK but you’d never actually listen to it again. But 5, 10 years later the silly songs he recorded then are still in my head. And they’re still good. Did I say brilliant? Maybe that’s a bit overstepping. But they are good. Which song reminds me the most of ldopa? “Oh Thank God for Amateur Recording Equipment”.

internet phenomena revue edition #1: stitch and bitch

Limecat

Guess what everybody. Last year something interesting happened on the internet. And did you know, three years before that, something really really cool was going around?

Welcome to my series on belated Internet Phenomena. I have the incredible power of discovering fascinating things on the internet that everyone has known about for quite some time.

So, without further ado (it’s like Barnum and Bailey’s over here with all the introducing), I introduce to you something I just discovered and love.* As I recently took up knitting, you can understand my deep and instantaneous and probably very lasting love of Squid Hat. I am also very impressed by the Diegestive System, but I can tell a project of that scope is too involved for me. I’m not going to even try to talk about the Penis Cozy with you people.

Until next time on the internet revue, see you on myspace!

*It was on boingboing in October 2005!

internet phenomena: an anarcho-dyadic process of liminal social misuse*

internetcan-canensmallened.jpg

We, as technologically endowed human beings, have learned that the internet makes people type fast, spell badly, and call each other Nazis. We have also discovered the cultural gem called the internet phenomenon. They are consistently as sophisticated as a fart joke. I say all this so you can know the depth of passion I have for the things. I am totally usually completely taken with internet phenomena from the moment I discover them (usually one to five years after they’ve been popular) until long after they’ve died, putrefied, and turned back into the digital ether whence they came. It’s really just my undying love for internet phenomena that make me want to do this, but I’m going to pretend that there is some sort of sociological value in an attempt to review them all.

With this in mind, I bring you: Internet Phenomena Revue!!!!one!

revue.JPG

*This has no meaning. Those interested can avail themselves of the Omen’s Hampshire Div III title generator button (lower right corner).

better purposes for bombs

paint

70,000 litres of paint
358 single bottle bombs
33 sextuple air cluster bombs
22 Triple hung cluster bombs
268 mortars
33 Triple Mortars
22 Double mortars
358 meters of weld
330 meters of steel pipe
57 km of copper wire

In the words of Vanessa Lewis from Virtua Fighter 4, “here ya go“. The result is less impressive than the SF superball thing they’re trying to top, but the effort is far more so.