sometimes I think you want to fail

February 11th, 2007

OK: Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton are unelectable, and their presence on any ticket in 2008 will drive the country right into the highly-electable President John McCain’s hands. This pains me greatly to say, but it’s true; outside of the fictional universe of “24”, America is not ready for an partially African-American president with a scary name, and Hilary Clinton is wholly despised by nearly all potential Republican swing voters and vaguely disliked by many Democrats as well.

And as cool as Obama is (I mean, c’mon: he smokes!), and as, um, perfectly acceptable a president as Hilary probably would be*, these are not the candidates to put up right now. This is not the time. Hatred of the current administration only gets the voter so far, but time and time again, it’s been proven that the real problem getting your guy elected is voter apathy. Voters need to either really like their candidate or really hate the other guy, and I’m afraid too many mid-western voters would really hate the idea of President Obama or Madame President Clinton. I’m deathly afraid the Democrats might be getting a little too cocky, under the misconception that the American people hate Bush just that much.

Because — ok — here’s the thing: I need the Democrats to win this one. I FUCKING NEED IT. I need to feel good about my country again. I need this stupid fucking war to be over, and maybe we don’t start a brand new war for, say, four to eight years. I need to stop seeing pictures like this. I’m all for progressive directions in policy and politics, I’m all for breaking the boring hegemony of the White Christian United States President** — but this seems to me to be a very dangerous time, and we’ve got to get the car out of the ditch before we get to drive down that particular road.


*…can you feel the Hilary excitement? Catch it. Catch the fucking fever. But, seriously, any opportunity to see Bill again, I’m all for. He’s like America’s favorite fun uncle — a little drunk, a little horny, but everyone has a a good time when he’s around. Hey, can we elect him again, maybe? Under a pseudonym if we need to, perhaps something clever, like “Crill Blinton”.

**in fact, don’t tell anyone, but I voted for Nader in 2000, solely to show support for the idea of a viable third-party candidate; and irresponsibly promiscous lefty voters like me may have, in fact, gotten us into this mess… so what do I know, about anything, really.

14 Responses to “sometimes I think you want to fail”

  1. Jon Land says:

    I think you’re right about Clinton, possibly wrong about Obama, and totally wrong about McCain.

    There is no way in hell Clinton would get elected. As Chris Matthews keeps pointing out, there’s a poll out there saying that only 3% of Americans want to know more about her, meaning everyone’s already made up their minds about her. So considering her favorable/unfavorable ratings I think it’s too close for her to pull off a win. Plus I feel like the people who say that they like her think they’ll look bad if they don’t.

    Obama is a total wild card, but I think the race issue is not as obvious with him as an Al Sharpton or Alan Keyes. I sincerely believe that Obama transcends race, and as long as he continues to run as a person and not a black person the folks out there with slight racist tendencies might just be more open to listening to him. Obama’s main problem is a lack of experience, which if we go with the safe white guy (John Edwards) is the exact same issue.

    This all doesn’t matter because after the three aforementioned people are out there for long enough, the Democrats will realize they need an “elder statesman”. This is when I predict Al Gore will step in at the 11th hour and people will be so stunned he will get the nomination.

    As for McCain, putting him up would be just as bad as putting Clinton up. McCain continually shoots himself in the foot, and has now veered so close to Bush that he’s turning lots of Republicans off. Plus, he flip-flops more than anyone ever claimed Kerry did.

    As of right now, the Republicans have no viable candidate. Their entire field is as polarizing as Clinton.


    P.S. Nader says if Clinton gets the nomination he’ll run again. He’s as egocentric as he is delusional. The saddest thing is that the impact he wishes he had has already been far surpassed… by Ross “19%” Perot.

  2. Jim R. says:

    Random thoughts…

    • I do not like Hillary and I would not find her acceptable as president. She is the worst kind of politician—posturing, triangulating, shifting, going with the flow of the polls—anything to get elected. If she is the Democratic nominee for president, get the shovels out and dig a grave for the party right next to the Whigs.

    • Is Obama electable? Don’t know. The “conventional wisdom” says Americans won’t go for an African American candidate, but he does not come across as imposing, or threatening or as someone with an agenda (see “Sharpton, A.” and “Jackson, J.”). My concern is his lack of experience, but as someone pointed out recently, he’s at the same point in his career that JFK was. Maybe he could pull it off. Plus, he’s so clean and articulate!

    • I like John McCain, always have, even though I disagree strongly with his stance on Iraq. However, I concluded some time ago that while I like him in the Senate, I don’t really want to see him as president. And I do not think he is a lock for the nomination.

    • My nightmare November 2008 scenario: Clinton vs. Romney.

    • I like Bill Richardson and hope his campaign can gain momentum.

    • Don’t tell anyone this, either, but I also voted for Nader, for the same reasons you did. But don’t let anyone tell you we’re in any way responsible for what happened. As far as I know, neither one of us lived in Florida then, and neither one of us was a Supreme Court justice.

    • What does any of this have to do with the death of Anna Nicole Smith, which, judging from the media coverage, is the single most important issue facing our time?

  3. Jon Land says:

    While I think the media is way over-covering Anna Nicole Smith (duh), that doesn’t bother me as much as how they’re doing it. They treated her like some form of sub-shit for her entire life, and now they’re treating her with the respect of Mother Theresa. I’d think they’re doing this out of guilt if I felt they were capable of it.

    What’s next, hearing the phrase “Talented singer/songwriter” when Courtney Love ODs?

  4. Jim R. says:

    Really? I’m not getting that sense of the ANS coverage at all. They don’t seem to treating her with any more respect than they ever did. The coverage seems just as exploitative as ever, only now it has a ghoulish tinge.

    I’m the father of her baby, you know.

  5. Jon Land says:

    Congratulations! That’s a very prestigious club.

  6. Joshua says:

    If I’m not incorrect, your reasoning is like this:

    When the Republicans fuck up just as badly as they possibly can, that’s the time to get a good, safe, bourgeois white male Democrat to run?

    Cuz that’s what they said with Dubya was top of the world last election, when he seemed unstoppable.

    The time for change is now. This is an opportunity for the Democrats to grab some nads because the Republicans have a black eye right between their cheeks.

  7. Jeff says:

    Enjoy your upcoming good, safe, bourgeois white male Republican president — “grabbing some nads” is exactly the problem here; in my opinion they are grabbing too much nads.

    The Democratic Nad Strategy should be grab just enough nad right now to ensure a win in ’08, and then grab even more nad in 2112. That’s the year where as far as I’m concerned, they could run Ellen DeGeneres if they want.

  8. Jon Land says:

    Speaking of 2112, I’ve already thrown my hat in the ring.

    You probably haven’t heard about it yet since my war chest is only large enough to cover the cost of this comment.

  9. Tom says:

    I am happy to see Sloth from the “Goonies” getting married. Very Cool. Haha says the man with zero empathy!

    As far as the election goes, I dunno. I don’t think McCain has that good of a shot for the Republican ticket, he’s a either too crazy or not crazy enough. Good ‘ol Mitt Romney from the People’s Republic of Massachusetts is a mormon… say no more. And Rudy Giuliani is too liberal on social issues for most Republicans. I say we dig up Nixon’s remains and run him again.

    On the opposite side of the isle, I’d volunteer for Obama’s campaign if it meant Hillary would go away. I don’t care for her. She is, what do the kids today call it? Oh yeah: Diabolically Evil.

  10. Jon Land says:

    “I am happy to see Sloth from the “Goonies” getting married.”

    Very funny. My favorite part of that picture is the look on the bride’s face (actually it’s the only face in the picture). You can tell that she’s just thrilled with the situation. Kudos to her for going through with this. She either has a heart of gold or guilt.

    Can you imagine having a nightmare, waking up and then seeing that in your bed?

  11. Joshua says:

    Hillary isn’t evil. She’s just a politician who’s willing to use war to further her political ends. By that standard, the Congress would be full of evil people and I don’t think that’s the case. Obama hasn’t sent anyone to war for a stupid reason and I’d like to give him the chance to keep not sending people to war for a stupid reason.

    “Mitt Romney from the Peoples’ Republic of Massachusetts,” you say… I’m not sure what you’re saying there. The only reason he decided not to run is because he knew he was going to lose and didn’t want to try to run for the White House after having lost an election by a landslide. The man is a bigot and a simpleton. I’m glad he knew when to run away.

    Jon, I think that woman’s face says it all, too. But she married a Marine. I’m not sure what she thought Marines did, but the kill and get killed. Sometimes they don’t make it all the way to killed.

  12. Tom says:

    “By that standard, the Congress would be full of evil people and I don’t think that’s the case.”

    That is where we disagree.

  13. Molly says:

    Wow! So when a Marine’s body is fucked up from a suicide bomber in Iraq the gloves come off and the name calling begins? He’s also missing an arm- there’s a Captain Hook joke just waiting- go ahead, you know you want to.
    It’s not funny. I can’t begin to imagine the physical pain that accompanied a severed arm and a melted face. How about the emotional impact? Try to lead with a little more love and a little less of the eighth grade douche bag who made fun of every kid that was just trying to get by and not have their every move illuminated for public consumption.
    The hot-faced feeling of humiliation and the act of pretending you don’t care.
    Fucking hell. Goonies? Seriously?

    Presidential candidates? Everything we know about every one of these people is from the media. I don’t personally know any of the candidates. Nor have I ever witnessed anything they’ve ever said or done when they didn’t know they were being observed. Maybe candidates identities should be concealed and remain anonymous until elected. Their voices could be manipulated – to take care of the gender/race/ethnicity factor. One voice for all of the candidates. The same voice, in fact.
    Sweet Jesus.
    NBC could turn it into a reality show- maybe Jon Stewart, Chris Rock, Janeane Garafalo and Bill O’Reily could play the ubiquitous crew of quarreling, smug, verbal bitch slappers. Oh, and Eddy Izzard for that British it-doesn’t-mean-anything-when-I-call-you-a-silly-cunt. And maybe one angry Canadian. Preferably from Quebec.
    Imagine the shift. I can barely look at George W. Bush. Smarm personified.
    Jon Stewart? I could look at him all day long.

  14. kristen says:

    wow, people write long comments on ldopa. I must learn to do the same thing. but not right now.