just lazy, I guess.

July 27th, 2006

Late-night dancer

Maxima. Golden Companion. Celebrity X.

They sound like condoms, don’t they? Or some sort of virility boosters? Right? Right?

Wrong. They’re scooters. Motorized scooters. The kind you sit in. The kind made for the somewhat disabled, but mostly used by the fat and lazy who are just tired of walking. Super sized for the “increase in obesity” even.

“Mr. Robles doesn’t have a problem walking — he says he was simply saving up energy for late-night dancing. ‘I’m pretty healthy,’ says the 37-year-old truck driver from Brooklyn, N.Y. ‘Just lazy, I guess.'”

Late night dancing, indeed. Well, clearly. I mean, look at the picture.

Oh, and let’s not forget the ones who use them to dupe ushers into thinking they’re disabled, so they can buy cheap tickets to shows in casinos, but still get great seats.

3 Responses to “just lazy, I guess.”

  1. Jeff says:

    Speaking of indolence, one time I went to the supermarket with Sarah, and she convinced me to buy the chocolate chip cookie dough in the tube, and on the way home from the store she tried to pry open the tube and eat it — with sexy results. Actually, more just a horrible mess in my car.

    Also, one time she was “using my computer” to “work”, and I fell asleep, and when I woke up, there was an entire package of Chocolate Nutter Butters — which I had not even opened for myself yet — lying empty on the floor. She wasn’t even apologetic; the way she acted, it seemed like a simple inevitability.

    She steals cookies, is what I’m saying.

  2. Sarah says:

    hahahhahaha. ok, the cookies in a tube? yes, all true. that was the day we tried to go to riverside. but it was closed. hot day, hot car, tube of cookie dough? yup, you guessed it. . . EXPLOSIVO. but i didn’t get cookie dough all over the inside of your car. i got it all over the OUTSIDE of your car. and you were laughing the whole time, mister, so don’t give me that.

    now, those nutter butters? first, i’m to believe you had an unopened package of chocolate (do they even make those?) nutter butters? right there, that’s your first mistake. i mean, really. are you even trying anymore, jeff?

    however, if right now, i was magically transported to your house, and you had a package of those magic sounding chocolate nutter butters, I would totally rip open the virgin package, consume it in its entirety, and leave the empty package on your floor. then I would give you a big smile, complete with bits of chocolate and peanut butter all stuck to my teeth. fuck yeah.

  3. Gene says:

    My God, people are scum.
    My best friend has been in a wheelchair since he was a kid, and I can tell you that these people who think that the disabled “get all the breaks” like special seating and parking spaces have no frigging idea what it’s like to be handicapped. They’re just selfish, lazy, fat bastards.
    I can also tell you from experience that the handicapped seating areas in the vast majority of venues are NOT the best seats; in fact, most of them are way in the back tucked away where you can’t see or hear what’s going on. And the tickets are never cheap; they’re incredibly difficult to get because wheelchair seating is very limited. Now we know why we can’t ever get tickets — assholes who don’t need them are snapping them up, when they could sit in regular seats that are in ample supply.