fight for fluff
FFF! No, not that FFF (NSFW), a different FFF — Fight For Fluff. Massachusetts Senators are in a semi-retarded tizzy over Marshmallow Fluff being served in our schools*.
As a long time, highly public proponent of the fluffernutter — made exclusively with Wonder Bread and Peter Pan peanut butter, of course — I’m pleased to see Rep. Kathi-Anne Reinstein taking a brave stand on this downright sticky issue**.
~jeff
* Yeah, like that’s the problem in our schools. Here’s the problem, although it’s not a popular position: a whole lot of teachers in MA (and I would suspect, nationwide) are relatively useless, lazy dullards with little to no interest in their subject, active disdain for their kids, and whose primary skill is filling out paperwork. I would suggest the only thing worse than leaving a child unschooled is having the child half-ass schooled by some of these slow gas leak huffing underachievers — at least the unschooled kid might work up some steam on his or her own to learn, but inflicting some of the low-quality, spirit-destroying teachers I’ve met throughout the years in MA on unsuspecting kids is downright sadistic. Trust me — I’m not wrong. I wish I had an answer here instead of a bitchy rant; testing would be a start, but testing wouldn’t weed out some of the worst barnacle-like public workers. Higher salaries would at least attract a more professional and presumably engaged level of employee, but even then the outcome is questionable, and the lazy lampreys already ensconced in the system would still continue to benefit. End of rant, sorry about that.
** Also sorry about this.
June 21st, 2006 at 8:03 pm
The REAL problem with our schools is that the teachers aren’t equipped with cattle prods. Come to think of it, the problem with our state legislature is that the electorate isn’t equipped with cattle prods.
Tell you what: We can go ahead and make the Fluffernutter the official state sandwich (’cause where would we be without an official @#$%ing state sandwich!?), but ONLY if we can make the Cattle Prod the Official State Method of Communicating with State Legislators Who Suggest Stupid Crap Like Making a Peanut-Butter-and-Sugar Sandwich the Offical @#$%ing Sandwich of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
June 22nd, 2006 at 6:27 pm
I think it’s time for a binding state referendum that would give state lawmakers new duties better suited to their abilities, such as light yardwork and cleaning up after the horses in parades. Let the grownups handle the other stuff.
Response to rant: I’m with Nick, teachers need to be armed. My sister is a teacher, and had to constantly deal with disruptive, sometimes violent, students. I’m sure there are some bad teachers out there. But in general, we’re not giving teachers the tools they need to do their jobs. Cattle prods is an excellent start!
And another thing: school uniforms and dress code, all the way, baby! No more stupid fights over gang colors or time- and money-wasting legal battles over whether someone’s son should be allowed to put a bone through his nose or wear a t-shirt that shows Bert humping Ernie. What’s that? Civil rights? Well, to those students I say the very fact that you are in school is not because you choose to be, but because you are required to by law. So fuck you and your civil rights. Wear the shirt at home.
I say let the kids eat their fluffernutters—but only after they do 10 laps around the school.
July 6th, 2006 at 8:54 am
[...] After the government of Massachusetts took a weak stab at outlawing Marshmallow Fluff in schools, the perversity of the marketplace has reared its head again: Fluff sales are up 800%. Good news for Fluff fans of all ages. [...]