hoover fusion v. gillette fusion

June 10th, 2006


Thanks to the enthusiastic urgings of my friend Ben, I took an important step towards adulthood today: I bought my first new vacuum cleaner.


  • Thanks to Dyson, all vacuum cleaners now look like Tonka trucks. Not to say the vacuum is attractive — it’s not — but there is a certain Transformers toy-like quality to it. I guess vacuum cleaner manufacturers finally found out who was buying the vacuum cleaners (men) vs. who was more likely to want a vacuum cleaner bought (women).
  • It’s quite powerful. By then end of our first vacuuming run, I had half a grocery bag full of dirty hair. It should be noted that I haven’t actually vacuumed in about a year, and roomba can only do so much.
  • It’s bagless, which for me is a key point, as I refuse to give any more money in my lifetime to the shiftless vacuum cleaner bag impresarios, with their annoying and constantly unavailable unneccesary permutations of Size B, Size L, Size MM bags. Fuck them.


  • …and this is a big one: you have to buy it ($128.88) from Walmart. Walmart sucks — with apologies to our two readers from Utah, it’s a “red state” store, just like CompUSA — and what’s worse is after I bought the vacuum, the greeter wanted to check my receipt on the way out. Thanks to what what I’ve learned from the Consumerist, though, I didn’t let Flo the Walmart Greeter have her way. She shouted “I’ll call a manager!” at us as we left, but that was weak, and that was about all she apparently had.
  • The cord doesn’t roll back in. I like when they do that.
  • Headlight is not of the blinding, blue Xenon type.
  • Vacuum is an annoying word to type.

I was also disappointed by the lack of integration between the Hoover Fusion and my beloved Gilette Fusion razor. I bought into both in hopes of creating a “Fusion of Fusions” — a quad-fusion if you will* — but my early efforts to integrate the razor onto the handle of the vacuum was met with skepticism and derision. Worse, early prototypes cut my face deeply and profoundly — sure, combining a razor and a vacuum is attractive from an efficiency standpoint, but I’m not sure that this is “the way”:

(click to enlarge detail)

Back to the drawing board.


* and you will!

15 Responses to “hoover fusion v. gillette fusion”

  1. Jeff atLDOPA.net bought a new bagless Hoover Fusion vacuum and gave it a little test drive. He found its bagless sucking power vastly superior to other, non Tonka truck looking models, and after its first run, had half a grocery bag of dirty hair

  2. Heather says:

    It’s like a FloBee for your face.

  3. Jase says:

    Dude, dump it & get the Dyson already. Then run the Dyson over your carpets and be amazed at all the dirt your Hoover missed. The Dyson vacs kick ass… and the interchangable connecting parts are sooooo cute!!!!!

  4. Jeff says:

    I appreciate the eye for quality and I also appreciate anyone trying to save me from my cheaper impulses — and I’ve heard nothing but good things about the Dyson — but you have to remember two things:

    1). I hadn’t vacuumed in a year. Clearly I’m not bugged by the propect of invisible, microscopic germs.

    2). I am a cheap bastard, and I can use the money I saved by not buying the Dyson and get one of these too.

  5. Ben says:

    Down with Wal*Mart! And their merchandise… that… people can afford. Down with Wal*Mart and their $600 Dyson knock-off for only $128.88? Whoa!

  6. Joshua says:

    I can’t find it now, but James Dyson said in an interview that he wanted men to be able to buy and use a vacuum cleaner. And his cyclone invention is pretty awesome, so he wanted to make sure you could see the technology doing stuff, which would get men to want to use it.

    In theory.

    Me, I’m perfectly happy with our free Regina.* It does an excellent job of terrifying the cats.

    *I am not happy with it.

  7. jimmy says:

    A late post, I know, but I’m still gawking with mouth agape at the idea that Jeff lives in a place with carpet. I always pictured an abode more akin to the lead character in the movie Pi. Or maybe just four gray, windowless walls and a cement floor, bathed the grim hue of blue LEDs. There is no door. There is no need for a door when all transactions for provisions and expeditions to the outside world are made through a small ventilation duct hidden behind a battered, desert-beige computer desk of low-grade steel and formica, scavenged from a now defunked Massachusetts State Dept of Labor building somewhere outside of North Attleborough. All of the gizmos and gadgets that Jeff has amassed over the years, after being loved and admired briefly, are carefully labeled (hmm, lemme think,… red sharpie) and stacked in various bins and milk crates along the south wall, with the original cartons and boxes lined up against the opposite wall in alphabetical-inside-of-chronological order by date/time of purchase (receipts are filed inside the desk in such a manner as to completely obscure the small marble pill box containing exactly two capsules of cyanide). I see the kitchen as nothing more than a mock entertainment center of sagging particle board that houses a mini-fridge and microwave, and a small shelf on which rest two jelly jar glasses (a body must be prepared to entertain after all), a ceramic shaving mug to hold the silverware (three sporks, six straws, 12 salt packets and 15 napkins from KFC), and a kidney-shaped hospital drool cup full of wayward paperclips, fasteners, screws, batteries and matchbooks (junk drawer). As most of us are aware, Jeff is of a species that has no need for a bed or toilet, since he only feigns sleep and all of his waste is excreted as carbon dioxide gas through the skin- which not only explains the aforementioned ventilation duct, but also why Jeff cannot wear latex. Funny story,.. well, perhaps for another time…

  8. Evan says:

    Jeff can wear latex, actually, this is usually what he wears around his place. It’s a little uncomfortable at first, but once you think about it and realize he’s male, most of the fear goes away.

    Although nobody else seems to have heard bad things about the Dyson Vacs, I have. Mosly through such unreputable sources as Consumer Reports, but that’s just me.

  9. Joshua says:

    I thought you hated Ralph Nader like you hated Steve Jobs, though.

  10. d osborne says:

    I bought the hoover fusion at wal mart for 98 bucks. we also have a yellow dyson. they are both cool. they pick up lots of shit. my wife looks sexy pushing either one, so I am happy.

    Just wanted to let you know.

  11. Keith says:

    Physicists consider the notion of “suction” to be specious, since vacuums do not innately attract matter.
    Suction is the creation of a partial vacuum, or region of low pressure.
    You can not be sued over something that is made up.

    Wood is a true vacuum! http://spacegeek.org/ep9_flash.shtml

    is a traditional type of percussive folk dance which is associated with a number of different regions across the world.
    A clog is a shoe.
    Has nothing to do with vacuum.

    “High Efficiency Particulate Arresting” filter.
    The term “Particulate Air” conveys no meaning.
    So your window screens can be a HEPA type filter it can stop dirt the size of your finger 100%.

    Movement of air is like water down a drain.
    Cyclonic has to happen to move air.
    Bagless cyclonic moves the objects in the canister note just a hand full of hair can drop your air flow 30% or more that is why you have to dump every room for power.
    A bagged vacuum is like the eye of the hurricane the air spins around the bag note this packs the bag like a brick. More power!

    Most vacuum shops can fix your Hoover.
    The Dyson good luck finding some one who will fix it!


  12. come giocare poker…

    In casino spiel poker come giocare poker online blackjack gratis poker texas casino descargas…

  13. Ryan Sellman says:

    Dude, does your Hoover Fusion blow dirt and dust back into the air? The reason I ask is because I read the March 2007 issue of Consumer Reports, and they say it’s “Not Recommended”* because it spewed visible dust into the air. I hope your Fusion vac doesn’t do that. If it does, I recommend getting a Dyson vacuum, or any vacuum that doesn’t spew dust into the air.

  14. While that subject may be incredibly touchy for plenty of people, my opinion is that there has got to be a middle or standard ground that we all can find. I do appreciate that you’ve additional relevant and intelligent commentary here though. Thank you!

  15. Substantially, the article is actually the freshest on this deserving topic. I harmonise with your conclusions and also will certainly eagerly look forward to your future updates. Saying thanks will certainly not simply be enough, for the exceptional lucidity in your writing. I will directly grab your rss feed to stay privy of any updates. Gratifying work and also much success in your business enterprize!