l-dopa

Aha! Now I have proof for my growing suspicion that Katamari Damacy is actually a reference manual about Earth for aliens.

It has been long known that Katamari Damacy is a very strange, very excellent, video game which has unusual effects on human populations. In addition to making no sense whatsoever, it is highly entertaining and causes stunning gender switches.

I once polarized a party by innocently introducing the group to the game. The mostly non-video game people (let’s call them “ladies”) were instinctually drawn to its eerie glow while the normally video game-oriented (”guys”) escaped to buy snacks and retreated to talk about relationships and feelings in the kitchen while they waited for us to end our new puerile obsession with rolling up all the world’s objects into a giant ball.

Most pertinent to the formation of my burgeoning conspiracy theory, my suspicions were aroused by the incredible detail of the game: every (Japanese) object one could possibly imagine had been modeled within, from batteries, to talking welcome mats, to crabs, to ferris wheels, clouds, and aquaman. Furthermore, all of these objects have been assigned a fairly accurate mass and have been completely logged in relationship to each other, thereby enabling the user to pause at any moment and find out what multiple of mosquitoes, or mermaids, or rocket-swan-cars, or anything in the world, is equivalent to the size of the ball you’ve made.

But there’s more. I have just discovered an additional out-of-game feature that allows you to select any of the thousands (perhaps millions?) of kinds of objects you have ever rolled up in your games and there is an explanation of the object provided for each.

Proof positive.