sleek, low-calorie holy-grail spotted in connecticut

February 27th, 2006


Some years ago I either purchased a gift for Jeff, or I played a prank on him. It was too long ago, or I’m too high, to remember, but either way, my actions culminated in the consumption of a can of Tab, by both Jeff and Evan. Neither one fared well, if memory serves. . . something about stomach aches, crawling skin, and a permanent and far reaching apathy, which I’ve heard continues to afflict each even to this very day. So it was with glee that I received news that biochemical engineers and chemists have finally set aside their age old rivalry, and come together to gift us with the cure for lethargy and listlissness. One that’s pink and low calorie to boot! New! Tab Energy Drink.

Sadly, it would appear that not every state in this fine country has been blessed by the budding good will between those great men in lab coats, and, um, those other great men in lab coats, as this holy grail of energy has, as of yet, only been sighted on the hallowed shelves of Stop&Shop in the 203.

Or is it the 860?


6 Responses to “sleek, low-calorie holy-grail spotted in connecticut”

  1. Evan says:

    I’m afraid I spied this at the 7-11 next to Park Labrea in Los Angeles, the other day. I thought about the events which had transpired years before and ended in illness and decided not to purchase the item. I, however, do have a visitor from across the world, Denmark, for the next 2 weeks. I will use him as a metaphorical guinea pig*.

    To set the record straight, you and I bought the evil pink soda to see if Jeff would drink it. I, somehow, became a willing participant in the experiment/practical joke. I would assume it’s due mostly to my inexplicable need to do stupid things I know will hurt me.

    *Without the rape.

  2. Peter says:

    I saw this in a Chevron Gas station in San Mateo, California… I considered buying it & but ended up only buying what I needed, cigarettes. But, I am still tempted…

  3. Joshua says:

    If memory serves, Jeff had that Tab for many years, consuming it only to release a genie from bondage.

  4. Jeff says:

    Where your grammy lives is still the 203 — 860 is now for the “poor” people in CT, those making under 200K/yr.

    I eagerly await purchasing and consuming this soda because I learn nothing.

  5. Jon Land says:

    All I know is that Jon Klein gave me one can of Pepsi Kona about ten years ago and I’m STILL waiting for it to get released nationally. I think as a society we need that more than another basic diet cola.

  6. Carrie says:

    Sihting in the 413! Super expensive, though — $9 for 4?