frequently asked questions about dial tone checking
…copied from the F.A.Q. at http://jeffs-dial-tone-checking-emporium.com/:
Q: I think I might have a dial tone. Do I?
A: That can only be determined by a qualified dial tone professional.
Q: When I plug a phone into the wall, I hear a tone. Is that a dial tone?
A: Hard to say. It’s best to let a seasoned dial tone technician make the call.
Q: Let’s say I have a phone at my home or place of business and it’s been working for years. Should I get it checked for a dial tone?
A: Yes, and right away.
Q: I’ve been picking up objects from around my desk (coffee mug, clipboard, desk calendar) and checking them for dial tones — so far no luck. What am I doing wrong?
A: That is a common mistake novice dial tone checkers make. Our dial tone checkers are state-certified to be up-to-date on all the most recent dial tone checking technologies.
Q: I’m using a phone right now to call “Jeff’s Dial Tone Checking Emporium Dot Com”. By the simple and inherent nature of this telephone call, I must have a dial tone, right?
A: Maybe so, maybe not. The only way to be certain is to get your dial tone checked by one of our qualified dial tone checkologists. Otherwise, there could be a fire.
Q: Your service certainly is way fucking expensive. But travel expenses must be included in the cost, right?
A: Not even close. The extensive equipment needed for dial tone checking requires that we all drive around in a crazy cool old antique ambulance with a sun roof like they used in “Ghostbusters”, and those things guzzle gas like you would not believe. Blame Bush!
Q: Are you available to check my dial tone today?
A: Oooh, today, yeah — not so good for us. Maybe later in the week, around 3-ish? We’ll have to get back to you.
~jeff