the college market

September 28th, 2005

My friend Sean Conlon (of Sean Conlon and the Missing Gallbladders fame) writes in:

Here is a piece of an ongoing exchange between myself and the local U.S. Army recruiting officer, S.F.C. Michael A. Stacey. Mr. Stacey contacted me by email to a private account I have with SCSU (Southern Connecticut State University):

The subject line of Mr. Stacey’s email was “College Market.” He apparrently forgot to change it after it was handed down to him prior to sending it to me and who knows how many countless others. I will summarize the body of the email by saying that it is the typical recruitment jargon, dressed up for a slightly more educated audience than those recruiters are used to trying to manipulte, with a great emphasis on the $20,000 that I might be eligible for.

I particularly like this line: “If you’re close to graduating or are simply thinking about giving college a break, you may want to consider serving full time on Active Duty.” It should probably read more like: “If you are considering suicide or have no real reason to live, you might want to consider a vacation in Iraq or Afghanistan.”

Anyway, I responded:


I am not intersted in joining president Bush’s murder club. You should
be ashamed of yourself. Never send me unsolicited email again or I will
have you prosecuted.

Good day,

Sean Conlon

Quick and to the point…

His response was typical to that of a miliary person trying to lean on a person’s conscience in order to sell his goods:

Thank you for your reply and enjoy your freedom

To which I replied:

I enjoy my freedom everyday. I also enjoy the fact that my freedom is not contingent upon anything you have ever done, regardless of what you have been told.

Be advised that I have made a complaint to the SCSU student affairs office regarding your shady recruitment tactics. Also, for future reference, people to not enjoy being referred to as a market, even though that is obviously how you see them.


Sean Conlon

That last one went out this morning and I have not nor will I likely receive a response. But if I do, you’ll be the first to hear.

One may wonder what my goal is. I’m not sure I have one. Maybe just some shits and giggles as a kind of payback for when I was 17 and being harrassed by recruiters. Back then, I had neither the gall or the eloquence to deliver my thoughts in such a concise and direct way. But 12 years later, I find this much more enjoyable than the politeness of the “no thanks, I’m on drugs” excuse.

…or maybe I’m just a dick.

…I’m proud just to know him.


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