l-dopa

It’s rare that soft drinks get a sequel; Crystal Pepsi certainly didn’t get another ride around the block, but Mountain Dew has decided to amp up the sheer cliff-climbing extremity of their “Pitch Black” grape cola and *take it to 11!* (Steve Vai guitar solo)

Now, I’ve never been a fan of “Code Red”, “Livewire”, or the first “Pitch Black”; but “Pitch Black II”, ooh la-la, trés magnifique! This is the best Mountain Dew sub-product yet. It’s like they took caffienated, carbonated, grape Sweet Tarts and somehow *milked* them. The end result is so very unhealthy that the mere idea that this fizzy junk might somehow actually improve athletic performance is a David-Copperfield sized illusion of marketing along the line of making the Great Wall of China disappear. Well done, PepsiCo!

Due to the bright blue foam emitted by a dark purple liquid, I have little doubt that the soda is carcinogenic, so try one soon, before “Mountain Dew: Pitch Black II” is legally declared a national health hazard and pulled off the market.

~jeff